Little Dave!

The secret's out!

We have made a startling new discovery in the last couple of days... no it's not that Davit isn't actually Irish... or even that the other David is engaged... we have stumbled across Mr Matthew John Bater's true identity:

Matt ya minx!

Do not mention the M word

To say that there are 5 male students living in this house is something of an exaguration, and for once I am not commenting on Luke's feminine nature. As much as I love the other guys here, and as beautiful as the shade of purple in our lounge here, I can hardly be said to live here. The first two months I was in India, and these I days I dwell at the other end of civilization in deepest, darkest North Wales. But I'm here tonight, sitting in the lounge listening to Matt and Clifford discussing which is better - diarrhoea or vomiting.

"Sick," says Dave, "because of the feeling of Euphoria you get straight after."

"Do you know how they cure water on the brain?" Matt asks, sitting down after demonstrating post-vomit euphoria, "With a tap on the head!"

And now Matt is wishing Luke a Happy Hanukkah as he goes out to get a kebab. Matt once had a Muslim friend who wished him a happy Christmas, to which Matt replied "Have a nice Divali."

As you can imagine - Bater quotes come faster and more furious than it is possible to keep up with when typing. So let me end by reflecting on the beautiful prospect of being cooked breakfast by the wonderful Heathfield girls tomorrow. Life here is good.

Stepho

Sat 14th Oct

Saturday saw a range of activities at the house. From gardening to giggling, wrestling to rota writing.

Just before lunch, an old man from a couple of doors down knocked on the door and offered to mow the lawn for us. As it was in need of a manicure, we couldn't decline.

The evening saw a recital by Matt (OBE, FRCM, grade 5, provisional driving test). As the music went on, and on, and on, David prepared a mouthful of tea to be spewed forth over Matt's head, which would also make the keys rather sticky.

After the guests had departed, and the jollity had worn thin, Matt and David proceeded to brawl in the hall. All. Night. No, not really, just for about 4 seconds. But it was good for them to bond through physical combat.

A mini adventure

Following the theme of the breacon beacons we decided to go on a quest to find some waterfalls in Ystradfelte. The intrepid explorers included:

A gnome called Al,

Monkey boy and the house stud,

2 billy-no-mates,

and some waifs and strays.

The fearless ramblers were well stocked with: pork pies, scotch eggs, crisps and chocolate cookies, and felt ready to face anything the Welsh countryside could throw at them.

They set off with a spring in their step and Ann Widdecombe on their lips (not physically, of course!). They had only walked a kilometer when they happened upon an opening of a cave. Without hesitation Al the gnome charged in, shortly followed by a couple of others; leaving the more conservative/scared members of the group to guard the bags. The cave was dank and dark with only the light of David's phone to shine a light on our path. Countless spiders webs caressed our faces and boulders obstructed our paths. Sudsdenly the shout went up from Al "Alright butties, i've foundan opening like!". We scrambled towards the opening; just before we reached there we heard a piercing scream. When we got to the opening we were confronted with this:

It was the work of a mischievious pixie called Brian.

True story.

Breacon Beacons

Commander Hughes Trouser-trumpet

Standing beside an unnamed housemate, i cannot but close my nostrils in disgust as he releases a gust of projectile haletosis into my face. He starts to laugh as the smeel has clearly taken hold of me. Foaming at the mouth, I drop to the ground, writhing in pain.

Later, in hospital, I wake to find goblins apologizing profusely and begging my forgiveness. Of course I do, because they are my woodland friends, and long-term servants of the 7th Earl of Shaftsbury.