Do not mention the M word

To say that there are 5 male students living in this house is something of an exaguration, and for once I am not commenting on Luke's feminine nature. As much as I love the other guys here, and as beautiful as the shade of purple in our lounge here, I can hardly be said to live here. The first two months I was in India, and these I days I dwell at the other end of civilization in deepest, darkest North Wales. But I'm here tonight, sitting in the lounge listening to Matt and Clifford discussing which is better - diarrhoea or vomiting.

"Sick," says Dave, "because of the feeling of Euphoria you get straight after."

"Do you know how they cure water on the brain?" Matt asks, sitting down after demonstrating post-vomit euphoria, "With a tap on the head!"

And now Matt is wishing Luke a Happy Hanukkah as he goes out to get a kebab. Matt once had a Muslim friend who wished him a happy Christmas, to which Matt replied "Have a nice Divali."

As you can imagine - Bater quotes come faster and more furious than it is possible to keep up with when typing. So let me end by reflecting on the beautiful prospect of being cooked breakfast by the wonderful Heathfield girls tomorrow. Life here is good.

Stepho